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[ That.

Seems like a bad idea. ]

oKAY,
i'M HEADING OVER,

right the fuck onnn, my most confrontational of motherfuckers!

[He sends this just as Tavros reaches his doorstep. Listen, he's a busy guy. He can't respond to everyone at the drop of a nug-sheathing garment. When he spots an even lankier boy cross his threshold, his face lights up, as if he's completely forgotten the reason for their meeting or the circumstances preceding it. And that's because he has.]

Yooo, brother! That maternal motherfucking planet spirit all quit raining her ass down on us little bitches, yet?

[He speaks in sort of a singsong, obviously having a sincere appreciation for Mother Nature and whatever rainstorm she had plagued this night with. His pupil-less eyes searched Tavros for signs of the continuous storm, but he soon lost track of his own train of thought and just ended up staring at his friend for no real reason.]

[ He's not sure why he wanted to do this on such a dark and stormy night. He's not... sure why he's doing a lot of things lately, if he's being honest with himself. The rain felt nice, it felt sort of... clarifying. Good. Like the hours and hours he spent sitting by running water, digging his hooves in the mud but not daring to go in himself. ]

A little, uh... I'll just, wring our my hair, before, I go in...

[ He takes the hunks of wild, snarly hair and squeezes a river of water out. Ignoring Gamzee's stare at first because he can't bring himself to look at him, then because he doesn't know where else to look or what else to do.]

No need, yo. No motherfuckin' need...

[His face was still fixed in the familiar, sleepy grin he always used to wear. For some reason, watching Tavros wring his long locks out, watching the downpour of water fall and splash in a variety of streams onto his porch was so fascinating to Gamzee. He could watch that kid wring his shitty horse mane out all fucking night.]

Ain't no stickler for mother fucking no hoity-toity manners and such noise like what's all that fuckin' is.

[He laughed dreamily, waving a spindly hand at the current state of his house as further proof.]

You come here to get your righteous smoke on, my bro?

[ Mm. He scratches a hoof against the back of his leg, worrying his sharp teeth against his lip.

But he can't help but be relaxed. When Gamzee's like this, it's just easy. A reminder of way better times. ]

No, I came to talk. About, uh... What happened, when, we couldn't stop telling the truth.

[His face screws up a bit as he tries to recall when exactly Tavros was talking about. There's a dramatic shift as his expression goes from thoughtful to reluctant, and it's clear when the memory finally dawns on him.]

Oh. Uh...

[Chuckling nervously, Gamzee holds up his forefinger, signaling for Tavros to "hang on a sec" while he raises the hookah hose to his mouth and takes another hit off of it. The bubbles from the device are the only thing breaking the silence between them, other than the rain against his shabby roof.]

A brother need another motherfuckin' breather before he all get up to spinnin' verse on fuckin' that unfun noise. Heh.

[He pats a spot of pillows next to him, inviting Tavros into his corner of absent morals.]

Spill, my motherfucker.

[ It's so easy like this. There's no looming threat behind that face, no worry that the casual wave of his hand is going to go somehow awry. Tavros isn't used to being afraid of Gamzee -- or anyone, really. Fear stopped being a thing after death, some distant memory that he had trouble reconnecting with.

Now, it was all too real. ]

Okay, well...

[ He twists his long fingers together, biting the inside of his cheek as he struggles to find the proper words, hesitating just a fraction longer before he carefully lowers himself into Gamzee's mess of pillows. ]

Well, I think, that... you definitely, violated my trust, and also a body, that was technically mine, in a way that is, definitely going to take some time to repair. The trust, that is. I, sort of think that body is probably exploded now? Or at least, definitely in worse shape than the one that I currently have.

I, also think that maybe due to the forced honesty and, how it was affected by our personal views, at that time, that maybe it wasn't the whole truth, and we need to talk about it. Maybe, not all at once, but, a little bit.

[ He flounders for a second. ]

And, I think you're right. When you said I wasn't the same troll either, I, sort of haven't thought about it a lot... A lot of time, has passed for me but, it was comparatively short compared to what was happening within the confines of the ship. And that means, a lot happened. Some, good... A lot, not so good. And, I think that what I said is also true, that, I keep letting things happen to me, or, just reacting when they do... And I don't think that's a good thing, especially, given what has happened to me in the past, and, uh...

[ He shifts, knotting his fingers tighter together. ]

I don't think that, running away is a good plan, anymore... So, now, I think maybe you should talk, because this is as far as I got, when, I was planning this in my head.

[As Tavros speaks, Gamzee wilts - both literally and figuratively. His ears twitch and then droop, his shoulders slump. His eyes, had they been able to show any indication of where they were currently looking, darted slowly around the room, evading Tavros' own. As the commas and full-stops rained down upon him, he found himself chewing his nails, or picking at the scabbed-over puncture wounds that riddled his arms, or attempting to tie his dreadlocks in a knot around his face. He was a little too high for this verbal text wall, and even though he was trying his hardest to keep up, sometimes the beginnings of sentences ran into the ends of others, and words kept piling on top of each other, as they are wont to do when one has smoked a little too much of themselves.]

[And then, suddenly, the words stopped. Gamzee was able to untangle some of them from each other in his brain - enough to get a vague idea of what he'd just been told, at least. He untied his hair and took his fingers out of his mouth.]

Uhhhhhhh...

[Good start. Decent opening statement.]

I don't, uh, like... think on that you all should be motherfuckin' getting your ditch all on at nothing, neither. Not no more, at least. And, like, this motherfuckin' be a really fuckin' bitchin' way to all get your start on at that.

[He paused.]

Though, I motherfuckin' sorta be wishing at what you ain't had to all be starting your mother fucking confrontational crusade with me, ha ha...

[He didn't need the truth aura to make him spill those words. Confrontation was something Gamzee hated through and through, high or sober. He'd much rather slink away and leave a thousand things unsaid than have to deal with the stress that came with conversation.]

The things I done at you what you was motherfuckin' alluding to... Wasn't nothing what's a motherfucker's particularly glowing the fuck up with pride on. Though... though that ain't to say I'm motherfuckin' feeling no wicked regrets on it, neither.

[Tavros is, or, was, his best friend. Aside from Karkat, who was now moot as far as Gamzee was concerned, Tavros was the only one who he could feel even marginally comfortable being honest with about his feelings, even if that meant telling him that he wasn't sorry about fondling said best friend's dead body.]

Wish I could motherfuckin' say different on it, but lyin' ain't gonna do neither of us much mother fucking better, right, yo?

[ The lack of regret doesn't make him feel any better. He remembers a time when Gamzee was all about other people, apologizing for just -- spacing out on him, even if they weren't actually talking. Like he was worried that he wouldn't be checked in when Tavros could possibly need him.

He lets out a long, slow breath. ]

No. And, you aren't the first person. You're just the one that, I think, I need to have an open an honest discussion with, and...

[ he chews his lip. ]

I think maybe, you need someone to help with all of the things you've got, up in your pan when they get to be too much. Someone like... me, maybe.

[Well, at least the fact that Tavros felt comfortable enough with him to use him as the first person to start having open conversations with made Gamzee feel... what did it make him feel? Proud? Relieved? He knew he hadn't treated Tavros the way the kid was probably used to being treated by him, but it was a chore to try to keep recalling how the "old him" used to act. If they were going to be real with each other, Gamzee was going to have to stop trying to be a person that he just wasn't anymore.]

[That being said, he can't quite believe what he's hearing. Gamzee just stares at him, dumbfounded - his eyes glazed over, his mouth hanging open a bit with a barely-audible "uhhhh" drawling out.]

Uhhhh... what?

[His eyes narrow a bit, not in any sort of aggressive manner, but solely in confusion. He's trying his hardest to cut through his drug-induced haze to figure out if Tavros was really suggesting what Gamzee thought he was suggesting.]

You-- You think--? Wait, uhhh...

What?

[ It's a big step.

A real big step. He'd never initiated anything. Been dragged by the nose into quadrant after quadrant, tried to haul himself out of each and every one of them with mixed results. This is the first time he's taken agency, made a choice and it's vital. ]

I, [ a pause, longer than he usually has as he sifts through words and tries to discern their meaning. When he continues, it's a little stronger. Slightly more assured. ] I want to be your moirail. If, you also want to be mine, that is.

[Yeah. That's... what he thought he was getting at. Did Tavros have any idea what Gamzee's track record was when it came to quadrants - pale ones, specifically? If he did, he still elected to proposition Gamzee like this in spite of it? If he did not, why the fuck didn't he do more research beforehand? What if they weren't from the same timeline? Wouldn't he have been better off asking their friends for input first? Gamzee couldn't imagine he was in good enough standing with anyone from back home to warrant anything close to a "positive review".]

[Before he could get any sort of coherent thought out of his sap-coated mouth, he continued to balk at the request, asking in a completely serious tone:]

Bro... you mother fucking high or some shit!? Like... like, for reals, yo. Ain't meaning at no motherfuckin' disrespect or nothing, but...

[Vague hand gestures. Tavros has to know... right? Did he seriously jump into this blind? Oh, who is Gamzee to talk - everything he himself had ever done had been without a prior thought.]

Uh... you all missed a fuckin' lot while you was dead.

You, uh, missed a lot while you were alive. To be fair, to, that objection.

[ He works a clawed hand through his mane of seaweed, chewing on his lower lip. He was no good at this, at any of the quadrant stuff. Who was he kidding even asking? Gamzee might be a righteous mess, but Tavros could remember how even Vriska at her worst still had suitors lining up at the door for her hand.

And he knew that Gamzee wanted a different quadrant. He'd known since they were six sweeps old, maybe even before that, when they hadn't cared about anything beyond having a fun time.. When there hadn't been anything to care about other than that. ]

I still want to, if, you want to.

[Were they still on Alternia, Gamzee would be jumping at the chance. In fact, he was still jumping at the chance. The only thing keeping him from having his dewy eyeballs fall out of his head in excitement was his concern for one of the only people left for him to be concerned about.]

[Though, he never was one to be swayed by trivial things like morals or logic. He takes another long, bubbly hit from the hookah before responding with a strained voice from the smoke.]

...Yeah. Fuck yeah.

[He grinned afterwards, leftover smoke filtering through the gaps between his crooked fangs. He looked as relaxed and happy as ever, eyelids drooping in a sleepy manner.]

Maybe a motherfucker all can, like... be all able at protecting in you now... like he ain't was fuckin' able to before.

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, GAMZEE MAKARA. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 420.42.042.04 * G-MAK has joined 420.42.042.04 <G-MAK> YO, MY RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS AND GODDAMN BITCHES. <G-MAK> if you all is wanting to be all placing at a mother fucking order with me. <G-MAK> LEAVE AT A BROTHER SOME WICKED FUCKING TEXTUALS. <G-MAK> oh and another motherfuckin thing. <G-MAK>** SEXTS IS ALWAYS FUCKIN WELCOME. ;o) ▉